Dear Abby...

Back in the day tons of people used to ask me for relationship advice.

Then I acquired a boyfriend and they all stopped. I had enough distracting me that it took me a while to realize nobody wanted me. Once I figured it out I assumed they were under-impressed with the way I handled my own relationship, which was not an unreasonable opinion for them to hold at the time. Recently, though, I realized it was probably more because almost to a man (or woman), they were engaged or married by that time. My work was done, I suppose.
At any rate, my relationship counseling services have been mostly in disuse for the past two years. I've noticed a slight resurgence recently, but I had a jem of a counseling experience today.
I was up far too late (early?) last night and didn't get to bed until 3am. I was woken at 6:35am by a text message from an unknown number that said, cryptically, "Hey." Seeing as I'd only been asleep for three and a half hours I ignored it and went back to bed.
When I woke several hours later I answered it and said "Sorry, who is this?" and signed it "Abby."
I didn't hear anything until I got off work around 4pm when I checked my phone and saw I had a text from the same number. The text informed me that the texter's name was Courtney and she was under the impression that I was Chad.
I am not Chad, and told her so.
She apologized, I graciously told her it was no problem, and left it at that.
A moment later I heard the sound of the Tardis materializing in Mom's office.

http://www.moviesoundclips.net/tv1/drwho/tardis.wav

Yes, this is actually my text alert sound. 

I had another text from the strange number. "How old are yu jw lol" it said.

"Courtney," right...

I attempted to be very nonchalant and said "22." I have no problem telling random people my age and am so worldly-wise that I knew that if my texter next asked for my credit card number, I should probably be suspicious. Instead, this is the reply I received: 

"Ok," she said. "this may seem weird but I just want to get a girl's opinion from someone I don't know. Can I ask you a relationship question? If not that's okay," she hurried to add, "I totally understand."

There was no way I was letting this one escape me. 

"Sure," I said. "Fire away."

She proceeded to tell me a fairly normal story. Boy dates girl for year, she likes him, he's been hanging out with another girl. She wants to know if she should be worried that he's cheating on her.

I told her I didn't think her boyfriend was necessarily cheating on her, or intending to give that impression, but the more time he spends with another girl the more likely at least one of them is going to end up liking the other. "Courtney" was perfectly justified in feeling uneasy, and should tell her boyfriend how she feels. If nothing's going on and he loves her, he'll understand and cut back/out contact with random other floozy. If not, "Courtney" has her answer. 

Courtney responded that she didn't want him to think she doesn't trust him, she's just worried because he's seemed more distant from her recently. That is what's really bothering her about the situation. 

That is indeed cause for concern, I said. I suggested (again) that she sit him down and tell him how she feels about it--that she feels as if he trusts and cares about this other girl more than his own girlfriend because of the time he's been putting into that other relationship, and that upsets her. "Men suck at picking up on these things," I added, usefully. Heaven only knows how many times this wisdom has been uttered by people better and wiser than me. Yet it continually needs to be said. 

"Okay, thanks, girl," she said, including a smiley face to let me know she really was grateful. Then added as an afterthought, "you should be a therapist." 

I thanked her, she apologized again for the randomness, and I told her not to worry about it--it made my day a bit more surreal, and therefore improved it considerably. 

Thus ends my recounting of my correspondence with Courtney. Good luck to her, and I hope her boyfriend's not a jerk. 

Recently discovered song that is awesome.