Decisions, decisions.

This past weekend we ended up at a friends' house, debating Life and whether free will is a thing, or it is all predetermined and we are merely dominoes doomed to fall along the weaving path we've been placed.

Van Gogh's "Starry Night" in dominoes. Just because.

Some valid related thoughts include the fact that if God is all powerful, then he could stop bad things from happening. The fact that he does not stop them means he is indirectly responsible for them happening.

Or what if we only create the idea of free will in our minds because we feel the need to have some control in the world, but really we are only choosing things already chosen for us to choose.

Or maybe, the Deist argues, God created us in his image, which included brains and souls, and set us free to make our way in his world and wants to see what we'll make of it.

I tend to fall more in the grey area of all of these. Mostly because the Bible seems to imply both that God is very aware of all of our dealings in the world, but also that we do, on some level, have choices to make. I also, based on personal experiences, believe very strongly that sometimes God does step in, in unusual (I won't say unnatural, since that's impossible of the being that created the natural world) ways to help us along. Perhaps, to assuage the Deist--if he's reading this--I will say this only happens if we are completely lost as to what to do and just ask God to make it obvious what our choice should be: i.e. get rid of the other options.

There was a point to this.

Oh, yes.

I am very bad at making decisions. The more possibilities, the more confused and distressed I get. Ice cream shops paralyze me. I know I will always appreciate a strawberry milkshake, but variety is the spice of life, so I should try something new, but then a decision is demanded: I panic; my vision blurs, and I walk away from the counter holding a cup that contains all the things I like separately (like heath bits, gummy bears, skittles, caramel, and vanilla ice cream) but are Not So Great when combined. I always end up huddled in a corner with my concoction--nose wrinkling, and just wishing I'd gotten the strawberry milkshake.

Simple, and perfect.

Luckily, I never had to make the decision to be a Christian. That was obviously predetermined for me. Probably because God knew that, if given the option, I would find it hard to give up, say, nature worship and a totem animal (it would be an otter, folks).

What. Google: this is not an otter. Try again.

Hello, friends! This is me and my otter friend.

So then I cruised along through life. High school was easy: I was homeschooled. College was easy: my Dad taught at a good school and we got free tuition, and also a ton of my high school friends were there.

But then this dude wanted to date me. 

Hoo boy. THAT is a decision. 

Cockatiel and cat not included. 

As all our friends and family will attest, I freaked out about it so much I made myself sick. I thought the dude was pretty hot, and it was cute he liked animals and stuff, but boyfriends are big responsibilities. Especially because boyfriends have this nasty habit of becoming husbands.
Long story short, I eventually ended up just begging God to make it obvious what I should do because I had no clue. I was too anxious to even have a personal opinion, one way or the other. 

Whew. It worked. 

Now I'm moving on to wondering what to do with my life, career-wise. I like them animals, but don't have any formal training. So I ponder and pray and ask God to help me figure out what I should do.
So, as set-up, two years ago, I drive by this beautiful farm and see a sign proclaiming that friesian horses dwell within. I stalk online, email the owner, and wonder of wonders, she needs help with the horses. So I prove myself capable to her. 

 Except for my habitual phone use while driving. Naughty stuff, folks.

Then I ask to watch ultrasounds of mares. Then she asks if I've ever thought about being a veterinary technician. I have not, but I sure am now. But then I worry because I am a hands-on learner, and I fear being given a book of animal science facts to learn by rote memorization (which fails me miserably). so maybe I'm not cut out for it? And then a couple months later I ask to watch them castrate a colt, because I'm thinking more about the whole vet tech thing. And then my boss asks if I want to volunteer at their veterinary office (oh, yes: her husband is a vet and their office is half-way between my home, and her home), and they will train me in the ways of the veterinary technician. So then that sounds awesome. It won't cost us anything extra, since working at her place already more than pays for the gas to drive there and back, and the office is on my way. 

 I will definitely be the one with the stethoscope. Not the bored one.
This picture cracks me up. I am so glad I found it. Look at everybody's faces. Hahahaha.

But then what about hubsand and his master's degree? Usually that lands people in CA. We don't want to go to CA. We have friends here, and a church here, and some of our family is here. Hubsand hears about a job possibility in Mediocre, PA, but isn't sure it's the right thing for him. So then he's talking to one of his part-time professors about this very thing and she mentions she's CEO for a company in our very own Mediocre, PA that does things Garrett's interested in, and she straight-up says "if you want a job, come talk to me."
So he goes and thinks about it, and then emails her, and she says "come to our company's office Wednesday and let's talk."
Did I mention there's a veterinary technician school in Mediocre, PA? Because that's important. Also that my other current place of work (a place, you will recall, I did not apply for, but also just landed in my lap because I worked with somebody years ago, and then met her again on a cold day at a gas station no-where near where either of us lives) is fabulous, and would probably work with me so I could still work part-time and go to school.

So now we've got two futures up in the air, and a meeting on Wednesday that might help solidify them both.

But danged if it doesn't seem like we might be stuck in Mediocre, PA for a while yet. Because things keep happening, and we keep meeting people in hallways, or online, and we happen to prove ourselves competent to them, before we realize just how important it might be, and then they happen to have keys to doors that are really appealing.

We didn't orchestrate or plan these things. Hubsand and I had other plans (or no plans). And, might I add, plans separate and unrelated to each other, career-wise, and then whoops! Events transpire and people we meet innocently are suddenly pushing us both towards futures that would co-exist peacefully with our current lives and our apartment lease contract.

Regardless of how much (if any) control I might have otherwise, I am definitely not in complete control of my life.

Thank goodness.